Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Visit 5/17/14
Today was a good visit. Pretty typical. Dad was in a good mood and happy to see us. But there was one thing that stuck with me and will continue to haunt me. Another eye opener for how this disease really affects your brain. He showed us a couple puzzles the social worker gave him to work on. He said they're pretty good ones. They were children's jigsaw board puzzles, the kind where you put the big sturdy piece onto the wooden board. The kind your 2 year old can handle with ease. He commented that these were nice because the same picture on the piece was also on the board. I am trying to hope that this is just his general pleasant attitude that he has towards everything now, and that he really can handle something more difficult. He does still handle his crossword puzzles and word searches fine, and his conversation is more intelligent than you'd expect from someone with a brain disease - other than the judgment factor. It definitely caught me off guard and was a sad reminder of how his brain is deteriorating.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Manipulation continues to haunt us
There are many facets to the story we haven't covered yet. A big part of it is my dad was really taken advantage of by one woman in particular. He believed she was his friend. As he got sicker and his judgment became worse, she latched on and pretty much took all financial control. He was in his mellow/I'll sign whatever you want phase and he pretty much consented to anything and everything.
We had heard from the police that this person was very well known in their department and has been on their radar for years. She's very good at manipulating and working the system. We met with our lawyers and there isn't much we can do to prosecute, because we didn't have a diagnosis at the time all of this money was being spent, and he consented to it.
The employees that worked at the bank he frequented were aware of the situation as well. She would often come in with him and flirt with the male tellers. They said he would do whatever she wanted when she came up to the window with him. But since he was consenting, their hands were tied. They even came in one day trying to get a home equity loan on his house. He went outside to smoke and pace, which became routine with the OCD aspect of his disease. He could not sit still. And I think sitting there and trying to answer questions he didn't understand was uncomfortable for him. So he said he would agree to whatever she was trying to do. Luckily his credit was already too screwed up for the loan to go through.
We found all this out at the tail end. We were too late. The money was gone. Investments that he had spent years building up were drained, insurance policies all cashed out, and credit card debt racked up in the double digits.
But the manipulation did not end there. Over time we learned she had his car and used it for her own personal use. She totaled it so he bought another one on his credit card, and she took that one too. He didn't even have a key for it anymore. It was hers. He never said no. Every response was a passive "that sounds like a good idea". We found out at one point she had his drivers' license as well. Credit cards were opened for stores that he in no way would ever shop. She set up the squatters that lived in his upstairs spare bedroom, who trashed the place. We'd find things out in passing. Like "dad, why is your basement trashed? what happened?" and he'd tell me the girls upstairs had a party down there with some of their friends. Drugs involved I'm sure, based on what was left behind in their room when they were finally kicked out. It is so utterly sickening how somebody can take advantage of a person that is clearly not in their right mind.
When my dad went to the nursing home we wiped this woman's identity from everything he owned. Got him a new phone, took any evidence out of his wallet, and he never once brought her up in the 3.5 months that he's been there. She used to call me, trying to get on our good side with the ploy that she was trying to help him. But once he was gone, she never once tried to call and find out how he was doing. Until now, that is, when she needs money again... Yep. She's back.
We had heard from the police that this person was very well known in their department and has been on their radar for years. She's very good at manipulating and working the system. We met with our lawyers and there isn't much we can do to prosecute, because we didn't have a diagnosis at the time all of this money was being spent, and he consented to it.
The employees that worked at the bank he frequented were aware of the situation as well. She would often come in with him and flirt with the male tellers. They said he would do whatever she wanted when she came up to the window with him. But since he was consenting, their hands were tied. They even came in one day trying to get a home equity loan on his house. He went outside to smoke and pace, which became routine with the OCD aspect of his disease. He could not sit still. And I think sitting there and trying to answer questions he didn't understand was uncomfortable for him. So he said he would agree to whatever she was trying to do. Luckily his credit was already too screwed up for the loan to go through.
We found all this out at the tail end. We were too late. The money was gone. Investments that he had spent years building up were drained, insurance policies all cashed out, and credit card debt racked up in the double digits.
But the manipulation did not end there. Over time we learned she had his car and used it for her own personal use. She totaled it so he bought another one on his credit card, and she took that one too. He didn't even have a key for it anymore. It was hers. He never said no. Every response was a passive "that sounds like a good idea". We found out at one point she had his drivers' license as well. Credit cards were opened for stores that he in no way would ever shop. She set up the squatters that lived in his upstairs spare bedroom, who trashed the place. We'd find things out in passing. Like "dad, why is your basement trashed? what happened?" and he'd tell me the girls upstairs had a party down there with some of their friends. Drugs involved I'm sure, based on what was left behind in their room when they were finally kicked out. It is so utterly sickening how somebody can take advantage of a person that is clearly not in their right mind.
When my dad went to the nursing home we wiped this woman's identity from everything he owned. Got him a new phone, took any evidence out of his wallet, and he never once brought her up in the 3.5 months that he's been there. She used to call me, trying to get on our good side with the ploy that she was trying to help him. But once he was gone, she never once tried to call and find out how he was doing. Until now, that is, when she needs money again... Yep. She's back.
She called a couple days ago and left me a message about the car insurance on my dad's old car. The one she used as her own. She strategically set up the insurance policy putting herself as the primary policy owner, and him as the secondary. But had the payments automatically deducted from my dad's bank account. Payments that were nearly $200/mo, because of the DUI history. When we had the police take the car back from her a few months ago, I couldn't cancel the policy because my dad was on as the secondary owner. They really couldn't even talk to me, even though I have power of attorney. So I put a stop payment on it on the bank's end and eventually closed all my dad's bank accounts.
Her message this week said that the collections department has been bothering her and they need proof that the car is no longer in her possession/or under my dad's name before they can cancel the policy. She said they talked to my dad and he agreed to pay the open balance. (Yes, you read that right). I called the insurance company and although they couldn't talk specifically about the account, they said that it is the primary owners responsibility to pay all outstanding debts. So basically it doesn't affect my dad whether it is paid or not. Finally something backfired on her.
We decided to call the nursing home to see if my dad had gotten any calls. And sure enough she had called and talked to my dad before she called me. No one has heard from her since he moved to the nursing home in February. But apparently when she wants money, she knows how to reach him. The staff said they were leery of the call. They overheard my dad saying he would have to check with his daughters, but didn't know what he meant. I cannot even fathom why she would think that calling him would ensure her bill be paid off. She knows he has no access to his accounts. What is he going to do from a nursing home? All I can think of is she knows it will make us mad if she keeps harassing him, and it will get us to pay the bill off.
At this point the staff cannot legally restrict calls, but they assured us they will do what they can to try and deter and screen them for us, and keep us in the loop. I'm just scared that this was a reminder to him of his past, and he's going to start saying he wants to go home. I cannot believe how low someone can stoop. Even her.
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