Sunday, January 25, 2015

Getting Caught Up...

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.  I’ve had thoughts over the past few months of what I wanted to write about so we wouldn’t forget later on.  But things just got too busy, and it got harder and harder to get back here.  I realized with my visit this past week that things have kind of come full circle since I last posted.  So that helped me come on here to get back on track.

Back in the Fall I started visiting my dad on my own for a short weekday visit while everyone else was at work and my kids were at school.  I was nervous about it at first.  I figured it would be awkward and I wouldn’t know what to talk about.  Plus I was afraid if he was having a bad day and hard to re-direct, that maybe I wouldn’t be able to get him back by myself.  He’s still my dad and I’m still the kid, so I find it hard being the one in charge.  If he tells me he wants to stay and shoot another game even when it’s time to leave, or that he wants me to get him his 1000th cup of coffee, it’s hard for me to say no!  But it turns out I really enjoyed these visits.  He was so happy to see me and appreciative to get out and play pool.  Even though I’m really really bad.  He always helped tell me what I should shoot and was conversational about family and things.  He seemed genuinely interested.  Complete turnaround from before the disease.  I found myself looking forward to these one on one visits.  I’m grateful that we were able to figure this disease out when we did, or we’d never have this time to come to terms with everything.

These visits came to an abrupt halt when there was a flu epidemic running through his unit before Christmas.  He ended up getting it, but from my phone calls to the staff it sounded like he was fine and handled it well.  We still waited 3-4 weeks to get back there because it was spreading through the facility.  They even had to postpone the holiday party for families.  When we went back, he was a different person.  We had read that an illness can cause a setback.  That it takes so much energy to heal and get well, that everything else suffers – they are more confused and appear worse-off with the dementia.  It’s unclear if these setbacks are temporary or permanent. 

He definitely had a setback.  He was very tired, didn’t really light up when seeing us, was more confused and very hard to get moving.  He’d get “stuck” when he was supposed to do something like take his turn.  He’d say ok, but then continue to just sit.  His cough was horrible and his appetite seemed weak.  The snacks he usually goes through in less than a week were still there from our previous visits.  It was sad and scary that maybe the visits we looked forward to, were now going to change.  When it was time to leave, he was very hard to get back.  He was just “stuck”. 

After Christmas we visited and brought him a tablet.  We put a few games on it, hoping it would give him something else to do.  We also set up an email account, but figured that might be something more advanced he might not be able to handle.  It turns out it just wasn’t something he was able to connect with.  I really think if we had given it to him before he got the flu, he may have been able to handle it.  But not after the recent setback.  These last couple visits were more sad and depressing.  But it was encouraging that he did seem a little improved each time.

I called to speak to the social worker to see if they’d noticed the decline and if they could tell us anything more.  They had basically seen what we had, but kept saying it was normal.  She also said that sometimes he gets confused and will come out not completely dressed, and that morning at breakfast he showed up without his pants on.  She said it was no big deal, that it’s very normal with the disease.  They just re-directed him back to his room and helped him get dressed.  I get that it is “normal”, but it’s not normal for him.  To me it’s another regression.  And he’s 65, not 85.  So it’s really hard to hear.
 
Now it’s been about 2 months since he was sick.  And I think it’s safe to say he has turned the corner and bounced back.  Yes he is still a little more confused, and I think in general the disease is still slowly progressing.  But I went for a solo visit again this week and he was great.  So happy and upbeat, he kept thanking me for coming and he didn’t act tired or “scary”.  It was such a huge relief.  Because seeing him the way he was before was just hard.  I know he’s going to get worse, but we hope we can have more time with him before that happens.

There have been some changes in the past few weeks.  The activities coordinator from his unit retired, so they hired someone new.  I’ve heard that she is really good and has been getting the guys involved in different things.  When I got there this week, all the guys were in the dining hall finishing up the personal pizzas she had helped them make.  It looked so fun and seemed like a really good idea.  I’m interested to hear more about what she does with them.  Especially as the weather gets nicer and they can go outside again.

My dad also had the opportunity to move into a single room.  I wasn’t sure if he would want to because he’s so set on his routine.  But he ended up making the switch, and we are all so happy with it.  Now we can bring some more personal things for him to hang up.  He has a nice view of the courtyard and was already commenting on certain people he sees out there regularly.  So it seems he already has a new routine and is doing well with the move.
 
So a couple things to note from my visit this week…after I pulled him out of the lunch room, we got his pool stick and started to head out.  He got sidetracked by the big screen tv because Dr. Oz was on and he really likes that show now.  I remember him saying that in the Fall, so I guess it’s part of his daily routine to watch Dr. Oz now.  I like to hear these little tidbits about his day.  It helps to know he’s doing something and has things to look forward to.

It was hard to get him on task when it was time to leave.  I can’t even explain why it’s so hard.  It just is.  It takes a lot of re-directing and being firm.  Then, once you think he gets it and is ready to comply, he’ll ask again “so do you want to shoot one more game?” And then you have to explain again how he’s going to be late for lunch.  And he’ll say ok, and then sit down and crack open a can of pop and light up a cigarette…I finally got him to agree to come by talking him into getting a coffee on the walk back.  

Once we finally got going he stopped by the tv again to watch a St. Jude commercial.  They were showing kids with cancer and it was hard for me to watch.  I didn’t expect it to phase him.  After all, the emotional feeling is supposed to be long gone with FTD.  But he stopped to watch and commented how hard it is to see those kids like that.  I was surprised, and almost wanted to change the subject before he ruined the moment and said something inappropriate to follow it up.  But it seemed genuine so I’ll take it. 
 
Then that was ruined on the walk back as we passed a large woman riding a floor cleaner.  She stopped to let us pass, smiled and said hi.  As we passed dad was like “Wow.  That woman is almost as big as that floor machine!” I pray she did not hear.  From an outsider it would be almost comical, because he’s not looking too slim himself these days.  Not to mention, he was wearing a sweatshirt that didn’t quite cover his belly.  But that’s the disease.  We stopped for his coffee and as we continued to walk, I stopped to check the time and bumped into him, spilling his coffee over his hand and arm.  I felt so bad.  But he didn’t even flinch and didn’t mind at all.  The coffee was fresh from the pot 2 minutes ago.  I guess it’s really true that he just does not feel temperature the same anymore. 

When we finally got back to his room I told him I wanted to clean it up a bit while he went to lunch.  It’s always hard to get him to just leave as I’m still there.  I started stacking up magazines that he’d been hoarding so I could take them home and get rid of them.  The one I pulled out on top had Elle MacPherson on the cover.  He saw it and was like “WOAH!  Who is that????”  all googly-eyed like a 13 year old boy.  So that’s always fun to hear from your dad.  Again, distraction, it’s all you can do. 
 
Then I discovered a note pad on his desk with some things written on it.  I saw he had some tv shows with times and channels written on it.  Dr. Oz, The Big Bang Theory…and then my heart sunk.  At the bottom of the pad was the phone number of that “woman”.  The one who took advantage of him and got ahold of all his money…the one who had tried calling the facility a couple times to speak to him.  I have no idea where this number came from.  I tried to sneak through his phone real quick to check the call log, but didn’t have a lot of time at this point.  I didn’t want to keep him from lunch.  I didn’t want to come out and ask him and remind him of her.  So I tore the number off and took it with me.  I’m completely baffled because he doesn’t know his cell number, so she couldn’t have called him on it.  If she called at the front desk, we’re supposed to be notified.  And I don’t see him remembering her number long enough to go back to his room and write it down.  So we’ve got some investigating to do…

 

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