Within the first week of dad's house being on the market, we've learned there's already been some traffic. According to the realtor, there's a couple who might be interested, depending on a few questions they have for the HOA. But the wife "loves it!"
When I read the emails from the realtor about this, my heart sank. I really felt like crying at my desk at work. This is the moment we've been pushing for all these months, with the last several weeks exhausting ourselves to get the house cleared out and cleaned enough to have it be somewhat decent. It's still hard. It still feels like we are being sneaky. But this is how it has to be, there are no other options and we pray that dad continues to like the VA home and never asks to go back "home". Once in a while he'll mention something about leaving, and so far he hasn't been able to make the connection as to why he's there or for how long. This happened at our last visit when he said something like "I'm not sure how long I'll be here," but then he's easily distracted by something else and it passes. Within a minute he's telling us how he's gotten used to the VA home and that he enjoys it.
I went with my husband and brother this time, so a smaller group. As soon as we got to his unit, he was there sitting in the lobby, as he always does, in his winter jacket zipped up. Too bad that now the weather is getting much warmer out and he's stuck in this "routine." He was carrying a bag as we were checking him out of the unit to go shoot some pool. When I asked what was in the bag, he said it was from the previous visit (our aunt and uncle - his twin brother, and our cousins). He said, "I thought we could work on these while we shoot pool." It was a bag filled with all sorts of goodies and I thought it was sweet that he thought to bring them to share. Almost like when you entertain people in your home, you want to have something nice to offer your guests.
He asked about my sister and brother-in-law and I told them the kids had soccer today so maybe next time. He said he wished they were there because he likes playing pool with Mark. And then he went on to mention how he likes to play pool with Brett and Rick, too. It's almost like listening to a child come home from school, asking how their day was. "I played with Billy and Timmy and Charlie today." Once we got to the member's lounge area, it became apparent he had a new routine/obsession. He kept asking us to scratch his back. All of us, whenever someone wasn't at the pool table taking their turn. I had noticed he was in the same shirt he's been wearing for at least a month now and then I realized it's lined! No wonder he's itchy? He's wearing a shirt that should be put away for the spring and summer months, but the problem is his routine won't let him break from it. Just like the winter coat. I'm noticing that he's getting more and more repetitive in his conversations, especially about the visit itinerary. "So we'll go to the museum then? After this game, we'll head to the museum? So we'll get to the museum before they close at 4? So after we leave the museum, we can shoot pool some more? You guys ready to go to the museum?"
We had a nice visit - as one can probably guess, we played pool and checked out the museum and then went back to shoot more pool. Apparently, when his routine gets a little bit altered, depending on who visits, it sticks for the next visitors. No problem at all for us, we're there to see him and do what he wants, but if he can tweak a routine, why can't he change his clothes?
So I spoke with one of the nurses that day about the itching and the clothing and he kind of laughed and said if he could just get him to shower more often. I explained that he's in clothing that's way too warm and on the next visit my sister and I will be swapping out his wardrobe with spring and summer clothing. We think that his winter jacket has a lining that can be removed, so if he's still set on wearing it, at least it will be lightweight. This whole disease is very upsetting but there are certain things that are so unnecessarily frustrating. We plan to talk to the social worker about their approach for getting him to shower. It's not about asking him to, it's about telling him that it's his turn on the schedule. Even if they have to bribe him with cigarettes after. This can't be the first time they've dealt with this sort of thing and they're lucky he's mobile. Compared to most of the other residents, showering should be a breeze!
Hopefully, things will get better before they get worse. We want dad to be comfortable and while being in a routine is comforting to him, he needs to be safe...and in short sleeves!
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