He's been complaining for months on and off about his feet hurting. He had his feet measured back in May by a specialist who would get him specialized shoes. But we're still waiting on the shoes to arrive, and no one seems to know what the hold up is. So I ordered him a couple pairs of New Balance walking shoes. No idea what size or style would work for him. I was a little sad to order the "old man" Velcro style, but I wasn't sure how he would handle tying laces, or for how much longer he would be able to do it.
As soon as he saw us he was of course ready to go. There was no talking him into trying on the shoes now, he was set on going to shoot pool and getting there as fast as he could. He's always excited to see us, but something seems a little different lately. Like he's a little down. Maybe it's just a comment a nurse made to us a few weeks ago, but it bothers me and I find myself studying him to see if he really is ok. The nurse said that ever since his friend Jerry died he's been extra quiet. Doesn't say as much and seems more mellow. I feel like I see that too. The unit is filled with 90+ year old residents that are wheel-chair bound, or are always in bed and can't speak or move. So why does the 67 year old have to be the one that dies? The one that talked and joked with my dad, and was his daily smoking buddy? So unfair.
We were going to order pizza for lunch and eat it in the Member's Lounge where he shoots pool. But the last few times we've ordered food we got sandwiches from Jimmy John's, so I think that's what he's used to and that's what he wanted again. So we ordered the food and waited for it while he shot pool with the guys. The big present we got him was a new pool cue with it's own carrying case. We wanted him to open it right away so he could use it to play. He'd say, "oh ok," and then set it down and go back to playing. It's so hard to get him out of his routine! But we finally got him to sit down and open it. As soon as he picked the box up he guessed what it was, even though it was in it's rectangular case. He always was so good at guessing what we got before he opened it. We couldn't fool him this time either. We were afraid it wouldn't fit with his routine and he'd go back to using the old cue he started the game with, but he used it and seemed to like it.
After we ate and had cake, I had the kids give him the cards they made for him that morning. Grant had asked what he should draw so I said "well what does Grandpa like to do?" so he immediately knew to draw him shooting pool. He was also very excited about the pool cue we got him and couldn't wait for him to open it. For a 6 year old, it's amazing how interested he is in the game. He loves watching them call the shots and seeing if they make it. So the card was drawn in pencil, two people shooting pool - one of them Grandpa, the other was probably daddy. Arm lengths were uneven, depending on the arm they were using to shoot with, and I'm not sure how clear it was what was actually going on in the card. I was nervous when he handed it to Grandpa because I was afraid he'd either have zero reaction, or that he would make a comment about it that might hurt Grant's feelings. But to my relief, he studied the outside, read the inside, said thank you and then as Grant walked away he gave me a giant grin like he was trying not to laugh. So he did understand what the picture was and saw the humor in it, but luckily didn't laugh in front of Grant.
We stayed for a long visit this day. Sometimes when he's out longer than a couple hours it's harder to get him back and he gets more antsy. I think it's how he reacts when he's getting tired - more anxious and confused. It was a reminder of why he is in the locked unit and why he couldn't handle being on his own. He wouldn't know when to rest, and the more overtired he gets the more anxious he gets and then it's a vicious cycle. Of course we wish things were different, but it does help with the guilt, knowing he is where he needs to be.
We took him back, making the usual detours to smoke out front and to check out the birds. I was worried at this point he wouldn't be able to sit still and try on the shoes. So I started hinting that we still needed to do that when we got back, so he would start getting used to the idea. Once we got him back to his room he sat down and I got down on my knees and changed his shoes and poked around at the toes like he was one of my children. Sometimes things like this really hit me, but I was trying not to think about it. He said how tight they felt. I can't tell if his feet are swelling, or if it's the slipper socks he was wearing (not sure whose those are, since we didn't bring them!). But once he stood up to walk in them he was like "oh, these feel really good!" so I didn't know what to believe. As he said this he took off the winter jacket lining he'd been wearing ALL DAY and I saw the sweat bleeding through his shirt. Another reminder that he doesn't necessarily feel things the way others do. We decided to come back the next week with a bigger size and try them on together before we decide which pair he should keep.
Before we left we hid his pool cue in his closet, and went through the stuff on his desk. He had a big pile of unopened birthday cards. One was from his sister and the others were from other residents. So it must be something the volunteers work on with the residents. That was really touching to see. We're not sure why he didn't open them yet, but he said he would open them tomorrow on his actual birthday. So hopefully he did. Oh, and before we left, we hung up the sign we got him. He walks past this sign every time we go to shoot pool and he has to stop and read it and laugh. Every. Single. Time. So we got him one...
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