How's your mom?

Whenever we explain what happened with dad or about his recent diagnosis, the first thing most people ask is how our mom is doing or how she's handling this.  I know what they are getting at.  She had a very difficult time making the decision to ask for a divorce.  She did not take it lightly.  She didn't know he was sick and neither did we. He just kept progressing more and more into an asshole who didn't want help.  Nothing was wrong with him, it was everyone else who had the problem. Believe me, she tried.  We tried.  We had a family intervention with him that ended in my grandparents being banned from coming back to the house. My mom could no longer host her parents for dinner. It was sick.

When people ask about mom, they weren't there to witness the intervention. They weren't there to hear the screaming and yelling day in and day out.  Not your typical spat or argument, we're talking hours of wanting to prove a point, have her read an article that he underlined important points in red ink, or spouting off about politics or someone who wronged him. Hours.

When people ask about mom, they weren't there to watch dad fling meatloaf up the stairs.  They weren't there to wonder why he'd use every single dish, bowl, and cup in the house, leaving them all over the floor in the family room, just waiting for someone to point it out so he could blow.

When people ask about mom, they weren't there to fear for her safety.  They didn't witness the threats of being locked out of her own house or being told to not come back after she went to check on her parents - her ailing father. 

And they weren't there when she found the diary my dad was keeping, writing about his sexual escapades with prostitutes that he brought home while my mom was at work.  I don't know how you recover from something like this.

There are so many moments we could write a book, and maybe we will. In the not-so-distant future, we may share more of the horrible things that happened. Mom kept a journal and if she's ok with us sharing some of it, we hope that it sheds light on what a horrible disease frontotemporal dementia is.

For the person who finds this blog out of absolute desperation, thinking they are alone fighting this horrific battle - you are not alone.  Your loved ones are not themselves - they are sick.

This disease needs more awareness...quick.