We had plans for more of us to visit on this day, but plans
started to fall through last minute. So
in the end it was just my sister and I who were able to go. We know how he looks forward to these visits,
and it’s the only way he gets out of his wing, so even if things are crazy at
home I know we have to do everything we can to get there for him. Even if we have to split up and just have one
or two of us go.
Every visit starts the same.
We get buzzed in, and we find him sitting in the lobby area by the
windows, waiting with his jacket on.
When he sees us, he lights up like he’s the next contestant being called
on a game show. It’s so sweet and sad
all at the same time. I wish he would
have acted that happy to see us when he wasn’t sick. But we will take what we can get right
now. He tells us how he has been looking
out the window all morning ,watching for our car. Even though we told him we wouldn’t be there
until the afternoon. And even though the
parking lot is not in view from his window.
He even walked us to another window that he goes to look out to get a
better view. Again, so sad and sweet.
He’s always so anxious to get out and shoot pool, but this
time as we were getting ready to walk out he grabbed on to the handles of another
patients wheelchair, started to push it and said “are you ready to go Jerry?” And the guy was like “ok!” I think the guy was excited to get a chance to
get out. We felt bad saying we didn’t
think that was allowed, but we’d check with the nurse. Sure enough they said he was only allowed to
go with staff, unless his family said otherwise. So we had to leave Jerry there.
Shooting pool is usually reserved for the guys, but this day
my sister and I had to step up and play.
We were pretty bad, but he didn’t seem to mind. Another one of those moments we wished we
could have enjoyed in the past. But
again, we have to appreciate this time we have now.
We have secretly been cleaning out his house and getting it
ready to sell. For some nagging reason,
I feel like we need to get his permission or approval before proceeding with
selling. Even though I know he can never
go back there. I guess it’s that I still
feel like the kid, and this shouldn’t be my decision to make. I bit the bullet and decided to bring it up,
praying he would give his usual “ok, that sounds good” response. But he was more resistant than I
expected. He said he didn’t really want
to sell. (I don’t blame him, especially
when he doesn’t think anything is even wrong with him). But after a little more discussion and
pointing out the reasons why he might not have a choice, he seemed to come
around and say ok. But it wasn’t as easy
as I hoped for, and I’m still afraid he’ll change his mind or start talking about
wanting to leave and go back there. For
now, I will just have to take that as my permission to move forward. I don’t plan to bring it up again, and I hope
he doesn’t either.
This visit he did appear more tired than in the past. His eyes seemed red too. I asked if he was feeling ok and he said he
was just really tired, and that
sometimes he has days like that. My
sister and I looked at each other, silently wondering if it’s the disease
progressing, but hoping that maybe he just didn’t sleep well. We left feeling drained, as we always do when
we end a visit.
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