So this disease has made me more aware of something. Before, a person's appearance - someone lacking hygiene, an overgrown beard and ratty clothes, maybe a homeless person...I'd immediately start to judge. Not voluntarily, but I'd be a little scared and not give their story much thought. Seeing my dad go through this and being on the other side of it now has opened my eyes.
When I used to take him to run errands, I'd see the looks from other people. Judging. The hygiene that wasn't the greatest, the clothing choices that made no sense, the behaviors that were just odd. I'd follow him through a store and have to monitor the food he'd pick up. I'd follow him to the beer cooler and tell him he wasn't allowed to get any. And have him politely respond "no? ok" and put it back. It crushed me every time. I'd follow him up to the gas station counter where he wasn't always so polite in requesting his cigarettes. And then he'd stand there and have them wait while he opened the pack and gave them the garbage to throw out. Even if someone was waiting in line behind him. Odd, and maybe a little off-putting for them. But I knew it was just his routine. He had to do it.
Taking him to check on his PO box, where I knew he had not gotten mail in months, maybe years. But he had to check it. One day they wouldn't give him his key until he paid his bill. I wanted to talk to the manager about paying the bill (and closing the account) and the attitude I got was definitely noticeable. To them, he was a pain. Came in all the time bugging them and he never paid his bills. To them, I was associated with him. And they really didn't want to give me the time of day either.
When things hit rock bottom and my dad was arrested for trying to get cigarettes out of parked cars, we had to deal with the corrections officers at the jail. We called every shift to make sure the new officers on duty knew the situation and understood he was sick. Some of them didn't seem to get it and didn't really care to get it. To them, he was a nuisance. We went in one day to bring him some crossword puzzles and to see if we could see him. They acted like it was such a hassle and in the end refused. They did take the puzzles and said they'd give them to him. Turns out, they did give them to him. On the day he was released, as he was walking out the door. To them he was just another criminal. They had no idea what we were going through. What he was living with. Lucky them, they don't have to get it.
We've been having a rough time selling my dad's house. Not an easy sell when there's a water problem in the basement on top of everything else. I had a water proofer come out this week to give me an estimate. I've never dealt with anyone in a service industry that was so rude in my life. Appalling. And I could sense the judgment he had of the place too...the odors in the air, stale cigarettes that we just can't get rid of. If he only knew the half of the story behind that home, my dad, our family. But he was as rude as can be, shooing the cobwebs and complaining that he should have me walk first in front of him so they hit my face instead of his. Judging that we would not have the money for the repairs. I was emotional about the situation as it was, having to deal with selling my dad's house when he has no idea. No idea all his stuff is gone, his house is on the market and that we continue to drop the price month after month. But people will continue to judge. The appearance of the home and the man that used to live there.
I truly hope that this has taught me a serious lesson. A lesson I will pass onto my kids. You never know a person's story, and you should never judge them on their appearance.
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